They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
