You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
