note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
