Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize