Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
