youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
