he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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