Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Ketchup is God's man juice
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
