OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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