Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
