I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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