I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
People in love make me want to vomit
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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