Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
