I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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