Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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