If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
