I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
