Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
