My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
