maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
