My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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