omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
