I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I skipped work to stalk him.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
