and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
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Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
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Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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