Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
