I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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