Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
