Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
