The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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