hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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