if i can run in heels then i can drive
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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