I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
