Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
can u get pink eye on your cock?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
