The maid of honor just puked.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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