They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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