??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
