You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
