I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
