i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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