I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
