It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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