She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
