You really coming over, don't trick.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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