I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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