did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
