I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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