I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
