I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He felt like a one man threesome
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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