we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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