I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
