Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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