I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
