i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
