He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
