Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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