If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
