Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
