she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize