The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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