i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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