Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
