Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
