where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
