Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
