my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
