Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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