She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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