He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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