don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
